you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
