If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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