Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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