there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How external is "for external use only"?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
