I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...so i touched it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
