Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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