so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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