I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
