let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you never un-have a 4some
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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