Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
