well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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