i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
