My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
