you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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