She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
