one two three fourrrrnication!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
