Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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