nut hugger
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
