OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Non-Jews are for practice
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
