Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
