And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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