just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize