I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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