were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
