if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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