i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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