Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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