You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
