after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
