No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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