We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
