"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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