The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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