guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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