too bad you live with your parents still
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
