You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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