my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
