theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
