She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
