like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
