Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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