Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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