The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
