yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
