my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
