just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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