ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
