so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do