Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize