when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
