And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.