It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father