Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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