Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
