I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
