well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
