I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's paper in my vomit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
