She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
