he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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