i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Boobs speak an international language.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
