My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize