Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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