Your tits are I can't wait for
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
