sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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