I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
